My Beef With "LOVE"
A Blackheart Bah-Humbug in honor of Anti-Valentine's Day
“I love you.”
“I love it.”
“I love her.”
“I love them.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Did you get all those nuances? Did you know exactly which type of love I was referring to, who was the speaker, and who was the recipient?
Yeah, me neither.
Add to this sentiment the question of To Boink Or Not To Boink... Or heck, go ahead and boink. Then you’re really fucked.
Ohhhh, how I used to live for those three little words. Eventually, I began to dread them when it concerned anybody who thought they might want to so much as sniff around the perimeter of my pants.
Because what I mean when I say them has almost never been what my Heart’s Desire means. Sometimes we’ve gotten close to seeing eye-to-eye. For awhile. But then it changes.
One of us goes deeper faster.
One of us get in too deep and takes a hefty step back, but That Word™ is already out there. We’ve been spewing it in the passionate throes of spring-fever-squirrel-sex and now how do I reply when you moan, “I love you,” because...well...I mean, I do love you in the broadest, most namaste-ey way. And I still do love ya like a friend cuz you’re an awesome person and stuff. But more than anything, I really wanna keep jacking off on your body and I know that if I don’t say it back to you, you’ll stop letting me pump my penis in and out of your holes and I really like the penis-pumping but I don’t think I love you the way you just said you love me with that milk-soppy look in your eyes and...
Is it technically a lie if I say it back to you but I don’t mean it the same way you do?
Nawwwww.
“I love you, too, baby-sweetie-cum-buckets.”
FUCK.
THAT.
Other languages conveniently (intelligently) do not expect one measly single-syllable word to do the heavy lifting for the entire gamut of emotional lurving-serving-n-perving.
TAKE JAPANESE, FOR EXAMPLE
According to an article by Namiko Abe,1 the Japanese separate their love-words out into two major categories: those words containing “ai” and those containing “koi.”
KOI - a romantic, passionate type of love
AI - more of a general feeling
As the author sums up: “Koi is always wanting. Ai is always giving.”
THEN WE HAVE GREEK
AGAPE - spiritual, unconditional, selfless love for all people
EROS - sexual passion, romantic emotional love
LUDUS - playful love like the kind between children or young lovers, flirting, teasing, engaging in lively, fun activities
MANIA - jealous, possessive, obsessive love
MERAKI - devotedly putting your whole heart into the things you do, for example, art or other creative endeavors
PHILAUTIA - love of the self, including narcisissm, sure...but more productively being secure in one’s self and thus having the capacity to feel and express love for others
PHILIA - deep friendship you’d be willing to sacrifice for, virtuous affection and loyalty to friends, family, community
PRAGMA - longstanding, mature love, like that between long-married couples, full of compromise, patience and tolerance
STORGE - natural care and affection that expects nothing in return, like what loving parents feel for their children2
HINDI GOES EVEN FURTHER
Here is a wonderful list as instructed from an article by Domenic Marbaniang:3
FRIENDLY LOVE:
ANURAG - a deep and selfless type of friendly love or affection
CHAAH - a general liking, also doubles for desire (see below)
MITRABHAV - friendly affection
PREETI - this is the word used in the Hindi Bible. When Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love Me more than these?” this is the word Peter uses. It is a type of love that contains delight.
PREM - a general word for “love” mostly of a friendly nature
PYAAR - a common word for love, but is also used in romantic love
PARENTAL LOVE:
MAMATA - a mother’s love for her child
SNEHA - the type of love one feels for someone younger
VATSALYA - parental love for their child
ROMANTIC LOVE:
ANURUKTI - romantic intoxication over someone you can’t get out of your mind
ASAKTI - 🎶 Lost in love and I don’t know— oops. Got me singing Air Supply now. An even deeper romantic intoxication that leaves one lost in love.
Multipurpose words also used for romantic love today:
PREM, PYAAR, CHAAHBonus words in Urdu:
ISHQ, DEEWANA
LUSTFUL LOVE:
KAMA - a sensual type of love
KAMECCHA - feelings of sensuality
MOHA - the love of worldly objects
WORSHIPFUL LOVE:
BHAKTI - the highest form of love in this tradition, the worship and devotion one feels toward the Divine
So there it is.
If you ever find yourself wanting to go to bed with me—heavens help you if you find yourself wanting to say That Word™ to me in bed—I will be really happy if you find a creative way of expressing the precise type, as well as the full depth and breadth of what you feel for me beyond The Enigmatic L-Word so that misunderstanding may be prevented. Or at least reduced.
You also need to understand that I describe my emotional sentiments in the reverse order from most people I have ever met. I love like a child—instantly, wholeheartedly, innocently, and yes—namaste-ey.
“IT IS NOT
A MATTER OF BEING
IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE.
IT IS A MATTER OF
BEING LOVE.”
~Osho
I subscribe deeply to this sentiment, so don’t go getting ahead of yourself if I speak tenderly of LOVE from the earliest days of knowing you.
I love because you exist.
That is all.
Then I love more deeply because you have entered my world positively.
With mutually desired interaction, I come to LIKE.
Sometimes I realize I don’t really like as much as I thought I would, but that doesn’t mean I love any less.
Very, very rarely my LOVE and LIKE fuse into something deep and profound. Then you are guaranteed to receive many words from me about the subject and they will probably be anything but Those Three Words.™
Don’t get me wrong. My Disney-princess-reared heart swoons over the thought of Those™ words meaning something dreamy from my Heart’s Desire. Something like…
“I not only lust after your body and wanna stick my everything into it over and over and over without end, but I also think you have the most intoxicating, entertaining, inspiring brain I’ve ever wanted to lick, and your heart absolutely melts mine and makes me wanna protect you and care for you and worship you and have you do the same for me and lurve you and of course perv you, and at the same time, when your glittery little dancer’s hands touch me, it’s not just my body. I feel it to my soul, and when you look into my eyes I See you and I know that you See me and our connection is as spirit-deep as my dick is hard. (And my dick, by the way, is severely hard.)”4
Sure.
I’d like that. I’d like to hear, “I love you,” from the same person to whom I just poured out all those very feelings in my three simple little words (sans all the dickliness)5 , and KNOW that it’s a mirrored sentiment to what is glowing inside me.
But let’s get back to reality here.
“I love you,” comes easily and often when I say them to my family, friends, students, teachers. When they say it to me, I purr without a second of hesitation.
THEN ADD THAT DEADLY
TOUCH OF EROS...
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 Don’t tell me you feel Philia-Kameccha-Koi-Koi in your poi-poi when you really just sorta Prem me but you’re lonely and horny and feeling a little insecure.
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 Don’t tell me that you Asakti-Ludus-Pyaar me, when it’s more like Moha.
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 Don’t tell me you Preeti-Pragma me when you have nothing left in your heart for me but Agape.
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 Learn how to Philautia before you ever try to Kama me.
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 And don’t ever tell me you love me to the whole Quadfecta (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) just because you know I won’t let you boink me if all you feel is Eros’ straight, pointy arrow over the fact that I, like a billion others, happen to be hawt and female.
The English language is chock full of expressive words and metaphors, and I’m a sucker for a (sincere, truthful) wordsmith.
So what I really want to know is:
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 {from} whence your feelings come
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 specifically what they are
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 and more importantly, what they are not
❤️🔥🖤❤️🔥 ESPECIALLY if you are ever inspired to use that word “LOVE.”
In honor of Anti-Valentine’s Day and my long-lost Blackheart’s Ball, this has been a huggy-smoochy PSA from your friendly neighborhood
BlackHarted ‘Beastie
© 2015 Hartebeast6
Hard dick: this doesn’t absolutely have to be blood-and-nerve-bound to the body of my Heart’s Desire, but I am a sucker for penetration, so it is imperative that you also have what one of my lesbian friends described as “Energy Dick.” This kinda goes double if you were born with said dick attached to your body. Because it’s not the D that is imperative. It is what you put inside me beyond any flesh, fluid, bone, or silicone.
Sans dickliness: I mean, unless you’re super into that and then game on.
This was the most-shared, most-tagged, most-beloved of my posts from the Speakeasy.
As a devotee of Anti-Valentine’s Day, back when they used to hold the Blackheart’s Ball on V-Day, I went every year to dance my butt off all night in celebration of being gleefully single. It was one of my favorite events all year, second only to Halloween.
Oh! You don’t know what Anti-Valentine’s Day is? Well, around here it is the tradition whereby all your extra-sweet, romantic, lovey-dovey, affectionate, and otherwise heartfelt gestures are reserved for any day **EXCEPT** the day Hallmark and all sap-profiteering entities have declared that we should do these things.
Even if you only know a little about me, then you can probably guess how I feel about that word, “should.”
Also. “Sap-profiteering” - the act of making, or seeking to make, an excessive or unfair profit off the swoony-moony natures of big ole sentimental saps like me.
Additionally profited from on this day are those who don’t bother with expressing affection, romance, or otherwise heartfelt gestures to those they say they love, and then dash out to guiltily or obligatorily buy a bunch of sappy-crappy stuff on this one day of the year, expecting that to make up for 364 days of neglect, apathy, condescension, and MEH. Or outright abuse.
The operative word here is “say” they love. Hence this diatribe on this day. And why I have been a steadfast celebrant of Anti-Valentine’s Day since February 15, 2000. I always appreciate V-Day gestures from my loved ones. But you won’t ever really find me kicking them off.
“well...I mean, I do love you in the broadest, most namaste-ey way.” — that is the best most funniest way to respond if someone gets all sappy.
I appreciate the Greeks many different differentiations on the word.
And I really like the Osho quote about ‘being love’ — I heard someone else talk about that as well and it really resonates with me. The idea that it’s a state of being, not just some sappy cover-all word we throw around Willy-nilly. :)