🎶 The Most Blunderful Time of the Year 🍻
Ode to Holiday Season Drunk Drivers
For your filking singalong pleasure:
It's the most wonderful time of the year
(muttered: but not over here.)
When you got in that car
And you sent me ajar
With your “just one more beer”
It’s the most blunderful time of the year!
It's the hap-hap-hap-crappiest season of all
There'll be way too much drinking
And hearts will be sinking
When everyone’s near
It's the most blunderful time of the year!
There’s your uncle who’s boasting
A hottie who’s ghosting
And Granny fell down in the snow
Can’t escape your ghost stories
And all your work worries and
And who you were long, long ago
It's the most blunderful time of the year
(especially for that person you rammed on the freeway)
With my TBI meetings
And oh-too-loud greetings like, “Be of good cheer”
It's the most blunderful time of the year!
It's the hap-hap-hap-crappiest season of allllllll!!!!!!!!
There’s that party I’m hosting
While my brains are roasting
Just dunk my head out in the snow
My life is scary stories
And tales of the glories of
Who I was not long ago
It's the most wonderful time of the year
(but not over here.)
With the migraines hell-belling
Yet everyone telling me “Be of good cheer”
It's the most blunderful time
Yes, the most Underworld time
Oh, the most blunderful time
(thanks for dragging me down to Hell)
🍻 WITH YOUR BEER! 🍻
© 2023 Hartebeast
UP NEXT:
What the Actual Phukk, 2020 (2000...2023)?!
Before we get to today’s holiday snarky singalongs and the healthy coping mechanism tools, and before we get to the shiny-pretty reprieve of twinkle lights—I mean, c’mon! Gotta have the twinkle lights: This one is for The Unseeable. The Shoved Aside. The Muzzled. For those who don’t know how to speak these words but feel them just the same. It's for everybody who's gone through a catastrophic loss that just hap-hap-happened to...
The other Holiday Hell singalongs:
🎶 Silent Night, Unholy Night
A Piss-mas Carol That’s what Christmas carols grow up to be when one doesn’t actually get to celebrate Christmas because one has been rammed by a drunk driver a few days before the holiday. (1) Hey, man. We gotta keep a sense of humor about this stuff. We long-haulers often wind up with a dark chocolate sense of humor. It keeps us going while trapped in …
What kicked off all these alternate-lyric carols:
BLAM.
If Only. If only I wasn’t such a social butterfly, a hostess-with-the-mostess, a proud, doting teacher—I would have made it to the back room and had my costumes packed before ten o’clock after our holiday dance recital. If only I had let someone else drive a friend home after her truck broke down, I would have made it to Walmart twenty minutes earlier.
“And Granny fell down in the snow” — that was hilarious!
There was some really fun rhymes in this merry merry piece ;)