🎶 Carol of Twelve Hells
A whiplash & TBI tune, snarked to Carol of the Bells
For your singalong filky pleasure:
CAROL OF TWELVE HELLS
Hark! Hear the bells
Tinnitus bells
All seem to say
Throw you away
No Christmas here
There is no cheer
For young or old
That’s really cold
(Ding…dong…be…gone.)
Ding-dongy dong
Their cursed song
Annoying ring
Always ringing (Oh, woe, agh…)
One seems to hear
Bells in the ear
From everywhere (From everywhere)
Silence is rare
(higher now and with ever-more woe)
Oh, how they pound (Oh, how they pound)
Raising their sound
Over the pain
It’s a migraine
Daily they ring
Headaches they bring
There is no cheer
No Christmas here
Crappy, Crappy, Crappy, Crappy Christmas
Happy-Crappy, Happy-Crappy Christmas
(Agh, ow, agh…)
(Ding…dong…ding…dong)
(Ring…gong…be…gone)
They will not send
You to go mend
With a good doc
Dang, what a crock
Hark! Shut up, bells! (Tinitus bells)
Tinnitus bells
All seem to say
Throw you away
No Christmas here
There is no cheer
For young or old
Dang, that is cold
Ding-dongy dong
That cursed song
Annoying ring
Always dinging (Oh, woe, agh…)
Can’t help but hear
Bells in the ear
From everywhere (From everywhere)
Silence is rare
(raise it up again!)
How my head pounds! (Oh, how it pounds)
Raising their sounds!
O so much pain!
Cursed migraine!
Daily they ring
Headaches they bring
No Christmas cheer
All alone here
Happy-Crappy, Happy-Crappy Christmas
Crappy, Crappy, Crappy, Crappy Piss-mas
No way to mend
Wish it would end
Relenting tone
Made itself home
Hark! Hear the bells
Tinnitus bells
All seem to say
Throw you away
Piss-mass is here
Stow your good cheer
Tongue you shall hold
Hate when you’re bold
Big donkey-gong
That cursed song
Annoying ring
Always bringing (Oh, woe, agh)
Bells in the ear
Can’t help but hear
It’s everywhere (It’s everywhere)
Silence is rare
(your highest fortissimo woe)
Relentless pound! (Damn it, the pound!)
Terrible sound!
O so much pain!
Damn this migraine!
Gaily they bring
You now to cling
Agents will jeer
All alone here
Crappy-Trappy, Crappy-Trappy Christmas
Happy-Crappy, Trappy-Crappy Piss-mas
Head will not mend
When will it end?
Relenting tone
Made itself home
Piss-mass is here
Stow your good cheer
All seem to say
Throw you awaaaaaay…
Agh, ow, agh…
© 2023 Hartebeast
UP NEXT: HOLIDAY HELL DAYS 8-9
Discovering Dain Bramage
December 28, 2000 28 years old Movement off to the side of me. Dad just came in from the kitchen. I squish my neck brace against the couch as I lean back farther to look at him because I can’t turn my head. His mouth is moving. He’s saying something, but I can’t— Can’t—I blink. I can’t hear him. I haven’t gone deaf. The TV is still on. I can hear that just fine. More...
THE OTHER FILKING CAROLS:
🎶 The Most Blunderful Time of the Year (an ode to holiday season drunk drivers)
THE ARCS OF THIS SERIES START HERE:
BLAM.
If Only. If only I wasn’t such a social butterfly, a hostess-with-the-mostess, a proud, doting teacher—I would have made it to the back room and had my costumes packed before ten o’clock after our holiday dance recital. If only I had let someone else drive a friend home after her truck broke down, I would have made it to Walmart twenty minutes earlier.
Holiday Hell: Days 1-3
The day after a drunk driver rammed me in the middle of the night on Winter Solstice, I learned that the emergency room had been wrong. I was not “just fine.” My insurance company was open long enough for me to inform them of the incident. Then they closed for the holidays.
On This Day 23 Years Ago - December 18
Remember how I told you that my body is haunted by the Ghosts of Myselves Past? That Traumatic Brain Injury can alter someone to the point where they no longer feel like the same person—where even to their loved ones, they don’t seem like the same person? This is one of the most difficult things to navigate in a TBI like mine.
These tunes could become a whole new genre of music — Christmas carols for those sick Christmas haha